How I Am is How I Am
by Efils God
Summary: A classic tale of tragedy between two of the female digidestined. Shoujo-ai/yuri type content. Major angst, implied death.


****How I Am is How I Am****  
  
Notes: This fic was written for Patrice23, who won my odd Takeru-coupling contest.  
Congrats, and sorry for taking so long to get this out. This is a shoujo-ai fic (as in girls  
with girls), so flamers be warned. It's a songfic using Filter's "Miss Blue." Lyrics are in _italics_. Past events are represented with an elipses before and after each, like so: ...past event...  
  
Disclaimer: There are few things in my posession. Digimon certainly isn't one of them.  
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***  
  
_Can you stay long enough for me to say goodbye?  
You can be free as long as you're with me_  
  
Sora lays on the grass of the soccer field, staring at the sky. In her mind plays  
memories of when she'd had her chance.  
  
...Sora and Miyako, two years ago, laid upon the same soccer field. Miyako  
had decided to join the school's soccer team, and Sora had just spent the  
afternoon teaching her to play. "Do you really care about me, Sora?"  
  
"Sure, I care about you. Like I care about Hikari, or Yamato, or-"  
  
"-Nevermind."...  
_  
If you could see the real me, you'd bleed  
If you could see the real me, I'd breathe_  
  
Knowing her mother expects her home soon to assist with the flower  
arrangements, Sora stands up and brushes herself off. 'another day to spend  
alone.' She walks down the empty streets, her mind once again on Miyako.  
The poor girl who is laying in Odaiba hospital- Sora realizes it's been a while  
since the two had visited. Knowing that, no matter what, it will be better than  
arranging flowers with her mother, Sora turns in the other direction; towards  
the hospital.  
  
_Could you still breathe long enough for me  
Could you still be long enough for me  
_  
A feeling of calm sterility comes over Sora as she walks through the hospital  
doors. A dead, chemical smell lingers in the air. She approaches the reception  
desk. "I'm here to visit Inoue Miyako."  
  
"All right, but visiting hours end in half an hour." The receptionist looks  
down at her computer for a moment. "Room 421. Go down to the end of the  
hall and you'll find the staircase."  
  
"Thank you." Sora collects herself for a moment before beginning her walk  
down the hall. It was always a painful thing to do. The hospital walls always  
seemed to close around her, as if it were trying to entrap her in this place like  
it had Miyako.  
  
_When do you think I'll be okay?  
When do you think I'll be okay?_  
  
"Shh, dear, she's asleep," a nurse says as Sora enters the room. She sits in a  
chair next to the bed, looking at Miyako's face and hoping to see her awaken.  
The nurse takes the chart from the end of the bed before leaving the room.  
Sora catches a glimpse of it- Miyako's line goes straight down at one point.  
She thought back to the first time she'd walked into this room- it had been  
over year since then now.  
  
... Sora saw Miyako sitting up in bed, her wild purple hair going everywhere.  
Miyako was as energetic as she ever had been then. "They say it'll only be a  
couple weeks. We'll be getting the tests back today, but so far it looks like  
everything's fine." Miyako proceeded to show her visitors the bed's various  
settings and talk about anything that came to her mind. She was exactly like  
she always was as that point. "Hey, Sora." The girl jumped at hearing her  
name.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
When I get out of here, you're going to have to teach me that bicycle kick, all  
right?"...  
  
_If I should stay, when do I pray?  
If I should stay, when do I begin?_  
  
Sora cringes as she thinks about how the leukemia had gripped onto Miyako.  
They had all watched as her beautiful purple hair slowly fell out, and her  
energy was taken away in surges. One day she would be as excited and  
happy as always. The next, she'd hardly have the energy to pick up a glass  
of water.  
  
Miyako's eyes flit for a moment and then open. "Miyako, you're awake,"  
Sora exclaims while trying not to be too loud.  
  
"Sora! hi," Miyako says in a smooth whisper of a voice. "How long have you  
been sitting there?"  
  
"Don't worry about it. How are you?"  
  
"I'm alive. That's what matters right now."  
  
_Do you think I should watch you die  
Should we close our eyes and say goodbye_  
  
The two girls stare at each other for a moment. "I'm sorry for not exactly  
being the most talkative person right now," Miyako says.  
  
"I'm just happy to see you alive still."  
  
"That sounds so morbid."  
  
"I'm sorry...I..." Sora glances away.  
  
"It's all right," Miyako says, her voice beginning to come back.  
  
_Hey you, Miss Blue  
You think that I'm well to do_  
  
"Did you come here for any specific reason?" Miyako asks.  
  
"Not really. I was just thinking about back when I was teaching you how to  
play soccer, and I thought I'd drop by."  
  
"Well, I'm glad you did."  
  
"Actually, there is one thing I'd like to say to you before-"  
  
"-Could you _not_ talk like that," Miyako says, half joking and half serious.  
  
"Sorry. What I mean to say is I...well...do you remember that day, laying on  
the soccer field, when you asked me if I cared about you?"  
  
"I suppose I do."  
  
"Well, I lied. I care about you a lot more than I care about Yamato and the  
rest of them. It's more like I...I-"  
  
"-I understand, Sora."  
  
_Hey you, Miss Blue  
I fell in love with you_  
  
Miyako smiles meekly. "I always thought you felt that way- well, hoped  
anyway."  
  
"I really wish that I didn't have to find out under these circumstances."  
  
"You know, it's really hard to keep an optimistic view point with you  
around," Miyako says. A few tears fall alongside her smile. Sora slowly  
moves closer to the bed, putting her hand in between the pillow and the back  
of Miyako's now bald head. She feels the fever within the poor girl on her  
arm. Sora slowly moves her head in closer; Miyako closes her eyes as Sora's  
lips touch hers. The heat of Miyako's lips make Sora want to absorb the girl's  
sickness. Anything for this girl that she's fallen in love with. As Sora pulls  
away, Miyako sobs heavily.  
  
_Hey you, Miss Blue  
I think about you as true  
Hey you, Miss Blue  
I hate it when you cry_  
  
The nurse walks into the room again. "Visiting hours are over in five  
minutes. Say your goodbyes."  
  
Looking deep into Miyako's foggy eyes, Sora could see her love slipping  
away. "I...I'll come see you tomorrow."  
  
"If I'm here, right?" Miyako jokes.  
  
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Sora's now the one crying.  
  
"It's okay, Sora," Miyako says as she runs a weak hand through Sora's hair. "I've dealt with it. I'm prepared for it."  
  
"Well I'm not!"  
  
"Sora...don't regret this. Don't regret anything."  
  
"But..."  
  
"Do it for me."  
  
_Hey you, Miss Blue  
I hate it when you say goodbye  
Hey you, Miss Blue  
I hate it when you say goodbye  
_  
"I'm so glad you came to visit Sora. I love you. You need to go now,  
though."  
  
"I love you, too."  
  
"Goodbye, Sora."  
  
"I'll see you tomorrow."  
  
"Goodbye, Sora."  
  
"I...I...Goodbye."  
  
_When do you think I'll be okay?  
When do you think I'll be okay?  
  
You say goodbye  
You say goodbye, yeah  
Don't say goodbye  
Say goodbye  
  
Goodbye  
Goodbye  
Goodbye_


End file.
